Friday, June 25, 2004  
today's officially my last day at patson's i reckon :X altho hate it, then hoW!! no money. they dont want me to come tmwwww!! andi cant come on mon or tues cos i gotchalet and wed is my off day *sob* 4 days of money GONE! butwell i hatepatty's. ate so much tdy. so scareddddd. i was lyk 41kg this mornin andi have a feeling its gonna increase. but well. argh!!! i betteruse amore MORE!make my money worth.

told jf how i feel abt her. bah! act i realise i dont really care abt friendships. its BGRi always give priority to. but i know its not right., iv no brian i think i got no frens left?! haha.

some guy approached me tdy whilst i was walkin to tc to meet b for lunch. hesaid he saw me walkin n tt i'm reallypretty n beautiful etc. askedfor my no to go out for a drink etc. says he's an architect etc. at least he wears like executive like clothing! but he's not chinese and not even handsome.mayeb i shldhavegave. then i can get my LV bag or sth. sighhh. i think im so materialistic, like i can do anyth for money etc.how?!

yest met b for lunch then went to his office after mtg jie. ack! everytime buy bread for him. raisin n ampan i think i spent so much money on him. i was just thinkin. i actually spent so muhc. shld've just bought one LV bagw all teh money. i want thefendisecret watch but its almost2000bucks!!!!!!! argh. the damn keyboard got sth wrong but i'm justtypin veryfast hahha.
then hmmmmm at hisoffice again. tho i didnt really want to. i dunno why nowadays dont feel so hmmm anymore. but atthis rate, i'm scared the consequences might be unbearable. chalet would be worse. but wellhesnice andcute. love himwhen he wears caps. i just hope he'll be richer and not so simple. but in away, its good too! i dunno man. ack. gotta go toilet. type later or sth

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/25/2004 01:59:00 PM

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Thursday, June 24, 2004  
ah! brian bought me a diamond bracelet pendant or necklace for my bday. shitty. i was like just thinkin abt it when i was joggin. he said its ex but dunno iv i'll like it. so yest i told him like dont waste his money and buy such stuff for me, cos i dont appreciate all those things and i didnt even like the diamond bracelet kenneth bought me. in fact, i was thinkin of pawnin it and buyin a LV bag or sth w it hehhee. but well, he said he bought it quite long ago cos he knew what he wanted to get me since april and he went huntin for it. sigh. obv i prefer like LV burberry chanel dior bag for the SAME PRICE!!!!!!! ack.. but well, i better pretend to like it sigh.

ateso much yest and i jogged 7 rounds after drivin and 4 rounds after high tea. thats lyk 9km?! 9.9km to be exact. so thank god,i'm abt the same weight tdy.but i just atesome fattything hai gamme from msia. heh. dont feel like eatin lunch. at least gg shoppin w jie later.. and xuan n sharon tmw. sigh gonna hafta neglect brian.

how! i'm so fattttt!

anyway i was quite scared yest cos i was lookin at my receipts then it reminded me of what brian said tt he spent almost 2000on diana when he was w her forthe two and a half yrs. ahh. i think i spent so much on him. i hatediana. sigh. oh wells. so yeah i was thinkin since he left diana would he leave me too, cos we'reso similar. and zhiwei also commentedebfore that he doesnt want me to end up like diana. but he assured me he never regretted breakin up w diana. yeah and tt hewont make the same mistake.

he said he could live w my FACE forlife but my character needs some fine tunin. which i agree but it's only my faace? i guess thats my only attractive attribute *sigh* what iv i can't change? i mean yew song is right. i am the materialistic kind, while brian's so simple. i wanna be clad in designer goods from head to toe. i wanna drive abig car. mercs. i wanna live in a big house. i'm far from simple. argh. how? i dont wanna experience a break up. i can't take it *sigh* and i reckon we may drift apart when sch starts and he has classes. sighhhhhhhhhhhhh. but i dunno. i dont even think i can live w him for life. i dunno. i'm so fickle and i cant evenhave a long termrship. i'm so selfish, pampered, spoilt. i have so much to work onnn. howwww!!!!!

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/24/2004 10:35:00 AM

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Monday, June 21, 2004  
oh well. brian got pissed. cos he saw song's msg sayin tt nick thinks i'm cute and tt eugene thinks i'm very pretty now he almost couldnt recognise me sigh. i'm also kinda scared cos i'm like the fickle kind..so i really dont wanna take him for a ride. how?

but when nick told me yest. hmmm. and i still rem i was so excited when nick and i sorta said go watch movie tog. HOW?!

sigh last wk got the new job, so i was hopin to 'hook' a rich guy to buy me LV stuff, but it didnt come to pass. and he said he felt insecure cos he tot i liked someone else at the exhibition.

i dunno!
but well.. lets see. monday we met up after pattys so i didnt exercise. tues we hung out at bugis awhile after i finished work at expo then i went for KB.. wed i was workin too. we went swimmin! first time :) it was nice. then we ate at the cafeteria by the poolside. thurs we went town for dinner. thai express. fri we couldnt meet :( sat i went to his office in the mornin and had 2 rounds of hmmm. heh. then sunday we met in town for a lil while after i was done w shoppin n kong cl tony and his bro left to meet the rest.sigh.

just met him today. for lunch but we didnt eat. sigh howwwwww. this sucks.

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/21/2004 02:14:00 PM

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Saturday, June 12, 2004  
thank god i'm still abt 41kg. ate so much chips yest but very lil for dinner heh. went sentosa w mel stir celest pris mark yest. quite borin at first but it got better when celest came. super sunburnt.

first day i didnt see brian after so many wks of seeing him EVERYDAY haha. so sad. and we kept arguin abt my new job from 15-18th June. cos i finish at 6 at EXPO and he's workin mornin shift everday nix wk cos alan's gg for holiday. so he'll finish at 230 and has to wait for me to meet. supp to go swimmn tog. i cant even exercise cos it'll be too late :( by the time i get home, it'll be dark. its really impt to exercise for me! :(

anw brian gamme a surprise on thurs! he kept askin me to leave arlier to maximise the surprise. but i was damn reluctant. so anyways. gordon asked us to take half day cos nth to do and too many of us so i left at abt 3. heh and he borrowed his bro's gf's family car! MPV or sth. turqoise colour. bit family car so niceee! hehe. tts why he kept hangin ard in spore live church cos he parked it there! heh. and he kept sayin my surprise is so hot! cos it was bakin in the sun! heh i was so shocked! it was a nice feelin! :) first tym being driven ard by my darlin :) went to buy soya bean but i drank so much i kept gg to pee! heh. so we drove downtown east and booked the chalet from 27-29th. YAYEE! so happy heh. walked ard downtown east awhile. then drove off. fortunately he drove. i cant imagine. it'll be so inconvenient to take bus there to bk chalet! heh we were in the car most of the time. then went siglap for dinner at secret recipe. spent lyk 30bucks. heart ached but well he drove and petrol and everyth so i shldnt complain. then he told me he spent abt 5000bucks w diana during the 2 1/2 yrs. he paid for everyth. sometimes when he bk out, str8away go meet her then tk cab etc. and i felt shit. i told him so unfair. lyk he pays for her for everyth and she gotta be his gf. but he reassured me tt i mean more to him now etc. of cos lah! and he said theres no chance of em being close again. sigh. really sucks. i wish he was nv w her. i told him i wish i had his first hug, holdin hands kiss etc. and he said sometimes it gets to him too cos i've had more rships than him. sigh.

anyways then we parked at somewhere quiet at ecp and hmmed, but obv it wasnt very successful cos it was too lil space. at least we could go to the back of the car! i could lie down but he couldnt. anw i wasnt feelin tt horny. not vv turned on nowadays. somehow rubbed him too hard he hurt so much. fel so bad :( his foreskin was pulled too back i think. experienced tt before :( poor dearie. the stars were AWESOME! really nice :) it was super dark so we could see all the stars clearly.

went to macs drive thru bought drinks. then he showed me the place at east coast that he likes. i guessed it! the food isgd tho. grilled. and nice music blastin! heh must eat there soon. but he's so right. it'll be so hard to go there w/o a car.

he drove me home! heh purposely told my parentS! mom was lyk so excited but apparently not so when she knew it was b cos she tot it was song :X

but it felt so gd :) to be driven ard by him. wish he had a car. anyways he's startin his course on 2nd July. sigh. then we'll have less time for each otr. sob :( luckily our quarrel's ok alr. hope i can meet him tdy or i'll dieee! two days w/o seeing him and i'm mtg kenneth tmw. anw i'm so happy!!! heh bought ralph lauren and guess KIDS tops yest. its both green! i'm so into green now. the RL top is only 29bucks! a t shirt. nieee! hui has it. saw it on her hope she wont mind. and i took M too! guess top's a bit small S. haha but its so nice 22bucks! looks like im gonna hafta buy kids clothes. who gives a damn. i mean hello, i pay the same price for a mango/topsohp/zara top when i can get RL GUESS, burberry? hahaha shit i'm gettin so materialistic again brian keeps complainin. abt the make up too!

hope nix wk's job will be ok. sian. hungry now. reckon i shld eat now. 11plus! very hungry! haha. yong tau foo! will buy soon. i dont care. i'll eat small meals and healthy food so it wont be that bad! :) it's ok i think. anw i'm gonna jog later. ok better blog beepee now :)

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/12/2004 10:46:00 AM

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Thursday, June 10, 2004  
aack!! been eating alot the past few days but still 41kg. yayee! but i ate so much this mornin! cereal and a piece of peach cake! i'm not exercising tdy! ack and my new jobs from lytk 10-6pm. how to exercise. expo's so far and mommmy cant fetch! still dont have a suit!!!! eeeek.

anyway this wk has been great! not much unhappiness n stuff :) monday he came over for lunch at mr bean's cafe. really worth it the set lunch. 8.80 only got soup dessert bread main course and can choose ANY drink! niceeee!! tues i left half an hour earlier. we went mr bean's again to snack. went to the block first. hehehe and hmmm then went there. he tot was gg cine for KB but i was act gg bugis. so we ate bread n stuff before sharon came. so cute! cos he was so fascinated by the fountains!! :) but he said i'm more beautiful :) so glad this wk's so much better than last wk. keep quarreling. heh

and we're gonna bk the chalet laterrr! yest we went shenton way to bk chalet cos brian tot can bk there. in the end NO so he spended more tym on the phone w operator! then we cabbed to town :) he paid. ate at taka food court. he ate ban mian! i want!!!! and i ate dumplin soup. so sian of 'healthy food' but i ate then at 5plus so i wouldnt hafta eat at marche w the rest.

we walked ard and tried suits! heh really lyk this one from g2000 but its 149 and hello g20000 is not even a very good brand! hahha cant wait for both of us to wear suits tog! :) bet he'll look damn good in one. but sigh i was thinkin abt it.. he cant wear executive like clothes at all. so sad. heh then well. maybe my bday we can wear sth very nie adn go lawry's to eat. but yeah i've beenr eally happy w him this wk. and altho i'm eatin alot i'm still 41kg. thank god. but i've a feeling it wont be 41kg tmw.

yayee we're gg downtown east to bk chalet later. leavin ta 230 cos its crowded at patty's and we aint got nth to do! hehe

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/10/2004 11:24:00 AM

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Monday, June 07, 2004  
Goodnight dar

The silence that we share on the way home is a special one. Almost sacred. Some things don't have to be said, they just have to be done. The silence soothes. :)
22/06/04 21:35
I was commenting on how onthe bus rides home, we're silent most of the time :) yet so nicee!

Auff u, Buffu, Cuff u, Duff u, Euffu, Fuff u, Guff u, Huff u,Iuff u, Juff u, Kuff u, LUFF u, Muff u, Nuff u, Ouff u, Ruff u, Suff u, Tuff u, Uuff u, Vuff u, WUFF u, Xuff u, Yuff u, Zuff u!!!PAMELA SEAH IS MINE WIFE!!!Hahaha...So in love with you. Goodnight princess. See you later! :)
21/06/04 00:20
Wonder how long he took to type tt :) so sweet.


*blush* So mushy! Heh!;) You're mineeee!!! Dear...Please don't like another guy k? I'll be so heartbroken coz i've given up nearly everything for you. I love u
20/06/04 22:21
i calledhim 'hubby' heh

That's coz you mean thatmuch to me. I may not be very important to you attimes but i always try to regardyou as my wife! To treat love and respect you. :)
20/06/04 20:45

I'm yours dear. :) Since the 8th of April. But don't take me for granted and don't break my heart for i've given it to you. Keep it safe k? *muacks* I'm yours.
14/06/04 23:01

I'm always sayingthat coz it always happens! Be mine dear?We've definitely came a longway. Years. Be mine for many more years?I love you dear.
14/06/04 22:56

Dear...It's only you that i want. Be mine k? Be mine. *hug* :)
12/06/04 14:20

I want you to know this again. I DO NOT have feelings for anyone else. Not even your so called "rivals" alright darl? ONLY you. :) *hugs* ove you dear! *muacks*
12/06/04 13:54

I dont know what else to do to tell and assure you that you're my girl. You're the one i have feelings for. No one else! Not even D or U. That's the truth.
12/06/04 13:47

I used to thnk that i shouldn't tell you how i felt for you too many times coz you might take me for franted but things have changed. I want you to know that you mean so much to me! You're the girl of my life! Of all the woman i know you're thatspecial one! That must mean something ya? I love you dear.
12/06/04 13:44
I was upset cos he and diana act had a chalet before. just cant help but feel sucky sigh.

"Always the years between us. Always the years. Always the love. Always the hours." always loving you dear. *muacks* Always. :)
12/06/04 12:42

I dont mind walkin around aimlessly for hours just to wait for you to finish work. That's nothing if i get to meet my "wife". I never meant to make you angry.
12/06/04 10:13
I was a bit peeved cos my new job finishes at 6pm at expo. and he's workin mornin shift the whole wk cos alan's on holiday. nad it got to me he kept sayin as tho i foiled our plans for the wk :(
but he called me wife.. heh.

Dear!!!...I was fascinated by it coz i love fountains! Esp synchronised ones! Used to love watching the musical fountains! But you're more beautiful than them!
08/06/04 23:19
we were at bugis waitin for sharon to come for KB so we were at the fountain and he was so engrossed in the fountain heh. like more impt than me! so cute.

Honestly one of the reasons why i don't want to commit coz i aint sure whether you want me. That you wanna marry me. What you truly see in me? Goodnight dear.
08/06/04 00:30

It's alright dear. I love you. I do. I always make it a point to not let external factors (eg. work) to affect my attitude towards you. It's alright dear. Iluvu.
06/06/04 22:12:14
I told him i snapped cos i was pissed. the spices sentosa thing. everyth i plan etc. and m parents were irritating or stuff lidat.

I love you. Only you.
06/06/04 21:50:55
I was jealous abt eugenia n stuff cos he wore the british india shirt! and pple lyk jiaying lily angela(she likes him) commented it was nice and I CHOSE IT FOR HIM!

Wake me up a 1030 darl. I wanna hug and kiss you again coz i seriously thought that last night was the last.
26/05/04 07:43:38
We had a major quarrel. cos i msged myself sayin stuff like wake up pam. u want designer goods big car and house. and yeah.. he kept sayin dont take him for a ride and stuff. i also tot it was the last. but nah :) luckily.

That's why i think i cannot marry you. Your parents would want you to marry someone else who's rich so as not to lose out in monetary status.
23/05/04 19:37:51
I was telling him how my cousins are all so rich when we went for aunt al's 60th bday cel. small kids dressed in guess and polo ralph! like HUH! all so rich heh.

You looked kinda chic today. Think you look very good in capris. With your g-string! heh! If only we could...Hmmm...
23/5/04 15:01:06
i wore my mango blue whie and black retro tube w capriS! we went town tog after church! :)

I'm home. Still crying? I'll give you my shoulder to cry on k? *muacks* Silly girl. :) I miss you tinkerbell. Heh! Grant me my wishes! I want you & you & you!!
22/05/04 22:15:14

The last few days showed me how much you meant to me. I perpetually couldn't do anything without you crossing my mind. Serious. I missed you till it hurt. *hug*
21/05/04 23:25:59

I'm off to dreamland to meet you dear. Don't run away coz i'll catch up with you! Heh! I'll grab hold of you in my arms, never letting you go! Haha
21/05/04 23:20:53
sooo cute!

You looked sporty tonight. I like. :) Like a beach babe! You smelled great too! Kinda turned on but too bad cant hmmm... ;) The slow, gentle kisses... :) *hugs*
21/05/04 21:48:43
He came over to my hse when my parents went out for alpha course. we ate behind and sat on the pavement later :) nice. delicate.

When you first came out of Patty's, i would have hugged and kissed you if your friend didn't come out! That was how badly i missed you! I missed you soooo much!
21/05/04 16:02:12
hai that busybody came out too! heh

You looked pretty!!! The pink and white combination match really well. It was so good seeing you again! Missed you so much! Factoy was shut the last few days!
21/05/04 15:42:07
heh :) he came back from KL and bluffed me he was still there. gamme a surprise over at pattys :) and i tot i looked disgusting cos i anyhow wear heh. the white gio top and pink skirt :)

I love it when my lips touch yours and feel its warmth and moisture! I'll take it along with me to KL! heh! Though we may be miles away, i'm never far baby!!!
18/05/04 17:49:44
He was gonna leave for KL this particular night :( and he came over to patty's awhile to bid last gd byes :( missed him soo much!

Fate? You tell me? Heh! I'm starting to think that we're meant for each other! Made for each other? How do you account for all the times that were "SAME"!!! :)
12:00:49 18/05/04
as usual, we were always saying the same things, msgin at the same time, thinkin of the same things! :)

How long will you feed me? How long will you hold my hand? How long will you kiss me? How long will you hug me? How long will you love me? Can it be quantified?
22:22:15 17/05/04

I miss you dear. I miss you princess. I miss you, Pamela Tan Li Hsiang. *hug* Stay close forever k? :...and the reason is you." *smile* I miss you.
20:16:10 17/05/04

Wanted to tell you this in the taxi just now...While kissing you then, it reminded me of the simply pleasures that kissing you brings. Rest well my dear. *hug*
22:38:58 16/05/04
we took a cab back from great world city cos it was alr quite late after watchin troy. we kissed on the ride back cos we didnt get to earlier on. the cinema was so crowded!

Super tired dearie. Just wanna tell you that i really missed you yesterday!!! I did!!! I did!!! Falling asleep already. Tell me watcha wearin k? Goodnight! =)
01:53:43 16/05/04
We met on mon-fri but not saturday so missed each other alot :) so sweet of him.

Don't make me so happy already lah! Later i really marry you then your mum will plot to kill me or oubilee meeeee!!! Haha! Whatever!!! I'm mad about you!!!
23:49:06 13/05/04

You might wanna know ths...When i first saw you just now outside Patty's, i was like *WOOOAH* You looked simple yet stunning! Pretty! I like!!! Heh!! *whistle*
15:47:20 13/05/04
He came over to haf lunch :) i was wearin the dark green racer back and white and green striped toss skirt.

You're such a darl you know? So sweet that ants would be crawling all over you tonight!!! Your efforts tonight was and is the epitome of sweetness!!! Heh!! :)
22:52:16 12/05/04
I bought him the zara chinese collar shirt and surprised him :)

That's one of the nicest surprise i ever had! I love the shirt coz you know that i've been lookin around for a China collared shirt ever since the Kenneth Cole on! So long already! I didnt want to buy it coz i'm just not the extravagant type to buy on impulse and that's why your surprise was so sweet!!
22:38:25 12/05/04

*blush* Dont say already!!! You really made my day!!! I really didnt expect you to buy the shirt! Super happy and grateful! REALLY!!! What did mum say?
22:30:53 12/05/04

Had a grrrrreat time with you today! Euphoria!!! Thank you so (x100) much for the shirt!!! I was dumbfounded!!! *mmmmuacksss* Really awesome evening!!! *smile*
22:21:19 12/05/04

A chapter of my life was closed years ago and i'm on a new one now, with you. Whatever physical activities we engage now, shouldn't be compared to before k dear?
09:11:25 12/05/04

Wished i was next to u hugging and cuddling you to sleep and when we wake, we'll still be locked in each other's arms! Heh! That would be nice! Nites precious!
23:46:31 11/05/04

I hope my precious had a good run! *add oil* Heh! ~muackies~ :) going to sleep now. Wake me up with your voice at 2030? Thanks a bunch dearie!!! You rock!!!
18:43:32 11/05/04

I miss you. I miss you as i lay restlessly on my bed at night. I miss you even when i'm angry with you. I miss you just by missing you. I miss you. ~Sugarush
13:23:06 11/05/04

Pretty enough for me! :) Let's face it, there are people out there prettier than you and more handsome than me but at the end of the day. I look for the heart.
20:43:34 10/05/04

Pam. You're a person whom i've come to have a soft spot for. Special and dear you are. precious. Enjoyed every moment spent with you. Goodnight dearie. Hearts.
23:25:57 09/05/04

If you haven't realised, we've watched each other grow through the years. Isn't that "growing old with you?" =) Do you see us still together in 2009?
22:05:45 08/05/04
I sent him a msg abt growin old tog :) but i din know it was the adam sandler song heh. so paiseh.he did a remix on the blog ;)









Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/07/2004 04:30:00 PM

 
i would think last wk was a bad week for us! oh well. lets see. thursday we met. had to pang seh clarice argh! met at raffles city but i took the wrong bus so i cabbed to raffles city which costs me 5.40 shit i'm so broke. then we went suntec and milenia walk to eat at food court. was feeling so horrid i couldnt walk properly and hewas so pissed cos i was walkin so slowly so he paid for our cab back. friday i went to see doc and he rushed down for me tp see doc w me at burlington sq. then i went to hillsongs w grace pris zw and zw's fren, frank. eeks seriously, zhiwei and his fren are SOOOOOOo old alr. yet they cant even dress well??!?! like some nerdy ri boys. eeeks! but well hillsongs was fun, and they helped us takkaire of our stuff when we went down to dance.
sat was fun!!!!! went w the spices and jumped to our hearts content, minus judy. booo.
i'm so sian workin at patty's.
anw sat i didnt go to work. went to town w brian. i kow he made an effort to see what i tried at adidas etc. but i went topshop and he was lyk cant be bothered so i got quite pissed. act he was was hungry adn wanted to eat.. but i wanted to go topshop. well, my bad AGAIN. sian. so we were kinda moody and stuff. but later things were ok, thank god. ayeya its like so pissy. we had a real bad wk. not a decent time out tog.
oh well, sunday he wore the lime green british india SHIRT THAT I CHOSE FOR HIM! and apparently, he said lily, jiaying, angela and eugenia commented on it. hmmm obv i was very irritated. i hate eugenia!!! and i feel irri cos its so obv she has feelings for him. and b's always so nice to her!!!! like everytime go KL, bali sure buy sth for her. like HUH.
anyway did i mention diana's w zhaoen? it was pretty weird cos during svc diana and i were sittin same row and zhaoen n brian were sittin nix to each otr. di was sittin like directly behind ze and b. but well tho she was wearin a polo ralph shirt i stil think she cant dress! eeks. so they had soccer after that. then diana waited for ZE. wonder how he feels. and he said sth was weighin him down but he still din tell me. i reckon its abt them. and he hasnt told me yet.

oh well its nearly two months since we started our so called rship. heh. but it seems so long. yest i was telling him i want twins and i wanna name them chloe and riley! and he didnt reply anyth pertaining to that so i tot he didnt care but when i saw his hp today :) he put his profile name as chloe and riley and we have the same wallpaper! the carebears wihich i made evan send me! hehhe. i loveeee carebears and there's two carebears. one pink and the otr orange'brown. just nicE! hehehe

and i guess its nice that he always thinks of me. when i go his office. there's sth that'l remind him of me. esp on his white board so its heartwarmin.he'll write clementine, precious inamorato etc the TNS strawberry pot purri i bought him, the cross necklace from life bkshop :) he's such a darl! i dunno how long we can last but yeah ;) he's a really nice guy. i dont wanna break his heart. oh wels, we'll see abt it. and we're bkin a chalet tog for 3D 2N tho i dont think we'll really utilise the 3D 2 N cos its sat sun mon. hehehe. so excitin :) but scared. dont really wanna be so physical but i know he wont force me. but i reckon it'll be a nihght to remember :)

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/07/2004 03:51:00 PM

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Thursday, June 03, 2004  
wow i reckon i havent blogged here in the longest time. its just boring and sian having to type into my blog, beepee's blog and this blog. tho this is the only blog where i can let my feelings all out.
anyway the devastation started on monday.met him for lunch. when i found out i didnt get law. anyway i kidna expected it but it was so bad i couldnt stop cryin. and somehow i knew i wouldnt get in, cos i screwed up my interview and also cos of brian. i kept having this feeling that iv we continue, i wouldnt get into law. and all along i had this feeling after i continue things w brian, everyth will just go downhill for me. which did, mass com rejected, scholarships not successful and i spent so much time, and law, the most impt thing. i dunno iv its right to blame brian, i did tell him. but well it is a feeling after all.
on tues, i think we went esplanate. ate at california bistro. i paid. ack. blardee 30 bucks. then i kinda msged myself stupid things from the singtel website.. lyk u're pretty, smart and better than other girls. and wake up pam do u really want this? u wanna live in a big house, drive ard in a mercs benz and branded goods. he saw it whilst we were eatin and it became bad. i refused to tell him who it was. and we just sat down near the esplanade there. sigh. i told him it was my cousin so he keeps sayin that we all look down on him. my friends family and that me too. he said he cant give me material stuff. but he can gimme the emotional side of rships etc. and he said i need someone who can sustain my lifestyle, which is true. but sometimes i dunno iv i'll be happy even iv i got all the stuff but that person's character may not be as gd as brian's.i dunno. then he asked me to think abt us. cos he doesnt want me to take him for a ride. like after he put in so much then nth comes out of us cos i'm so easily sian and i'm gg uni soon, which means i'll get a better guy.i tot he didnt want me but thank god, it was alright after tt. back to normal.
wed i met him again. for lunch or sth i cant rem. but i saw him everyday of the wk. went home to run after work.
we watched eternal sunshine of the spotless mind at great world on thurs. he was a dear. came to patty's to wait for me after buyin the tix. but i left earlier cos it was gonna rain. so i mmissed him! argh. we met at the bus stop. yeah. the show was not bad. he's lyk jim, reserved etc. whilst i'm fun, crazy etc, like kate winslet. but sometimes maybe its gd to erase the memories of the person and rship after yawl have broken up. in a way, i did wish that i cant remember reuben, zm etc. but well, they still remain as memories. some happy memories i guess, but nah. not w reuben n zm. i definitely wont wanna erase my memories w brian. or maybe for now. heh.
fri i met val.changed my off to fri cos first day of GSS. he was a dear and all. it was raining and i was late to meet him. stuck at paragon. we were supp to meet at city hall but he took a cab down cos the queue was damn long. when he came we were at benetton tryin clothes etc. so he waited ltk 15mins. and boy he was pissed. cos val was with me. then i stil talked to val and left him alone. he saw lynn oh my. i din see her. wonder iv she saw us but i was talkin to val so hmmm. then he was pissed cos bert n anwei wanted to meet him but he kept giving excuses so iv lynn told em, he'd get into so much trouble. he told me yest he reckons his bro knows sth's gg on cos he keeps using his hp etc. heh. bu i dun think his bro will think its me. so he basically just sent me home.. sigh.
sat he came to my hse for the first timeeeeeee! so cute! we had a quickie. or we were supp to have one. but it ended up 50mins. heh then while we were hmming he was like what time is it now? i really gotta rush/go. so cuteee! hahhaa i dunno how to explain it. but so funny! it was nice. i always wanted him to know how how my hse is on the inside. cos he doesnt know.. only the outside. thats the furthest he's ever been.
sat we met for awhile at wisma! i was w the spices. super pissed cos of the law appeal the nix day and i went guess and this stupd top was under the 35bucks rack but it was act almost 70bucks. frick. i was so pissed. then went to ask for refund and thank god, i managed to get the money back. i left evan and pam to meet brian at wisma SPF for awhile like less than 5 mins but i felt better. plus nelson said my skirt too short asked me to be careful. he msged me. haha.
so we saw each other every wk!
monday he came over before work. for awhile. cos i went down to nus to appeal for law. boy, it was a darn waste of time. but yeah the dean's real nice and all. didnt even talk much abt appeal. so crapping. but he was honest in tellin me tt chances are slim, which i think so too. sigh went to business sch to see and its nix to the law place where we had our interview. ack. yeah and my parents say at least u'll be beside law fac. wtF?! hhhaa.
tues we met in town. SAW DIANA AND ZHAOEN. i couldnt believe my ears when dot told me and it act made sense cos zw talked abt it in his blog. then we saw em! i was away from brian cos i was on the phone w sharon. so i dunno iv they saw brian, but they saw me! YUCKS! cant believe it. diana's such a bitch. wonder how brian'll feel. anw its really the end of their frenship i think. so so strained now.
made him wait cos we took quite long at amore. felt bad. things got worst later. we were waitin for a seat at pastamania but
couldnt so i walked off to crystal jade and apparently he found a seat and kept calling me so he got pissed cos everyone heard cept him. from then it was horrible. we went forum toys r us. and i accidentally spoilt his drifit shirt. cos i was playin w this toyto try make him smile and the valcro got stuck onto his shirt and a few pieces of thread came out. he got super pissed. he kept walkin in front of me. leaving me there. we sat down at coffeebean to wait for song. and yeah he was frustrated but he said he couldnt do anyth and i kept askin him not to be like tt. but how do i want him to be then?! cos he wont shout at me etc. i read thru his hp. was pissed cos he told eugenia the same thing he told me abt he'll dust the dirt off our knees and we'll be standin up again. argh. no wonder eugenia tot he lyks her or sth. plus he always buys her stuff. i saw the orange roxy tshirt he bought for her in KL. why must he always rem her? buy stuff for her?!! and her msg was like, do u always send ur frens such msgs? its really heartwarming. ask her to fuck off! haha.
yeah so we were really pissed w each toher but just before i met song, we talked things out and it was ok alr :) thank god.
anw me and song. hmmm. sigh okay like in the movie got hold hands, cuddle up etc. in fact our faces were so near i could've just kissed him. but yeah of cos didnt. i dunno. we really do alot of things tog. walk home from town, watch movies, chill out. in fact, most of my late nights out are w him :) when i was super cold in the cinema, he kept makin sure my jacket could cover me. and i can be so comfortable ard him. just lie on his shoulder etc. its nice. but i doubt i'l ever have feelings for him. i dont even think he's handsome. rarely. sometimes heh. anw he said i'm gettin prettier yayee! hehe. but i doubt i'll lyk him. maybe its just flirting heh. stayed out the whole night w song!!! haha. watched two movies. 530 we went city hall. at the padang. we walked til the sun came out. went macs to eat. and met again at city hall at abt 4! hahaha saw celine's whole family, cept her. thank god. i looked so disgusting yest. eeks! and he was pretty dazed. i think that he's act very nice but celine screwed him up sigh. but sometimes i dunno what he's thinkin or what he means. whether he's serious or joking!
then went brian's gym. was an hour late cos i met song in the end. it was last min cos he wanted to meeet nick but nick was sick and he was in town so he came city hall to meet me. of cos b wasnt happy but after tt we hmmm. heh then things were better. sometimes it sucks. is it only we hmmm the ok? are we too physicaL? i was so tired i couldnt use the gym properly.. didnt do mucy. elliptical at a really slow pace then jogged for abt 35mins..
then i went to bathe. he watched me. heh but i'm quite comfortable now. and he says i'm not tt flat. yeah. i think in comparison to diana. ack. cant help thinkin of what they did in the past. but huh?! i was worse. diana and zhaoen.. hmmm.
second round but i didnt really enjoy it. didn t even want. wasnt very h cos i alr comed the first time round but he wanted so yeah. gosh we use it tho we dont do it. how spas. i justhope its safe and nth happens or it'll be the end of us. end of everyth. hhaa
gonna meet him later again. at suntec. hopefully can get my gym stuff. i cancelled on rice cos of him. feel so bad. think i wont have any frens left haha
shld i tell him song and me cuddleed etc? but not lyk we'll have feelings for each other. hmmm. oh well.. hope later turns out fine. i dnt wanna lyk make him unhappy again. must be fully US only and not make him angry. make him happy. dont use hp.
but sometimes i'm tired. i hafta watch what i say in front of him. no fuck, ass etc. sigh. i dunno iv i can ever change to what he wants me to be. i'll try tho, its for my own good. sian. i cant be myself in front of him. sian

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
6/03/2004 01:34:00 PM

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