Saturday, January 31, 2004  
i guess now i'm expectin lyk too much from brian. its not the same he doesnt really reply me that fast n stuff. i can feel it in my bones and i jus know it. i jus know it. why why why. i expect him not to go out w girls. not expect but at least i dont want to. but still. i do go out w otr guys and stuff. and i dunnoooooooo. sigh.
i dunno i dunno i dunno.
why why why.
we'll nv be tog?
but can u imagine. i'll be watchin the lotr trilogy w ben and lyk the whole nite wun even go home kinda thing. and i dun even know ben that well. as in online we can talk and stuff but sometimes on the phone got lyk nth to say. but tdy was diff. he sounded so cheery which was good! plus he really reminds me of brian but much better lookin tho. shorter too haha :) kinda excited. better dress up properly and wear JEANS so wun be so cold!
when will brian and i drag until? i dunno
i was so pissed abt the eugenia thing. lyk HOW CAN HE TREAT HER. i dunno why but my jealousy and unhappiness was evident to him. and i dunno why i reacted lidat. seriously. and the thing is. obv i'm so jealous cos i lyk him but he doesnt haf a freakin clue. why is he so dumb
i'm gettin really bored of this shit. sometimes i really wonder iv i really lyk him or love or whatever or its jus residual feelings. wtf.
jus gimme a great guy or sth.
lyk handsome rich smart.
rich is impt tho. haha
screw it


Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/31/2004 01:25:00 PM

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Wednesday, January 28, 2004  
hmmm yest was quite lyk touchy w brian in the 65 bus lyk got hold hands then i jus lyk put mine and his on my lap lidat for quite long. huhs really lyk macham tog. chope and sign contract accordin to fang haha :)
i dunno! but he said he doesnt mind. hmm does he do it w lyk all the girls haha.
then ltr we went circuit rd hawker centre to eat then had to walk past haunted hse then we held hands again. then my dad saw brian. cos someone was peekin outta the windows. but i tot it was momma. but it was dad. confirm saw brian but he din even ask me or say anyth hmmm.
then tdy w song. cos i changed into ern's tube. then lyk wearin mini skirt plus tube lyk SUPER cold during the movie. so song kept askin iv i'm cold. then he did use his hands to rub my arm to keep me warm. then ltr he gamme his hand. so i held his arm there and got hold hands too. tho i know that there'll be nth btwn song and i. but it leaves me wonderin lyk am i too easy? haha but had a gr8 tym w song tho ;)
i only want brian. sigh


Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/28/2004 10:09:00 PM

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Monday, January 26, 2004  
suxxxxxxxxxxxx.
brian and i are gettin lyk less close.
dunno why. we used to sms each otr lyk EVERYDAY. eery single second
ALL my msgs all him. but now its diff. tdy there's kenneth reuben ben
i admit i'm quite sian of brian
he may be one of the extinct guys
but must think abt otr factors
lyk his education level
plus yest he drove his aussie frens around
dun even know who they are.
he nv drove me around b4!
plus his course is startin nix month so he'll be so busy sigh.
but i was jus thinkin yest i wun go out w brian so much anymore. well. do i rly mean it?
kinda miss him lots, SIGH.
but he din even reply my msg.
sian

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/26/2004 08:55:00 PM

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Sunday, January 18, 2004  
fuck it la.
fuckin pissed w my family
uckin pissed w brian
and fuckin pissed w who loosely i use the word fuck
brian's pissed w me cos he keeps naggin at me and i dun listen.
and i msged him twice he din reply
alled him din answer
FUCK IT
my fuckin mom's screamin lyk a mad dog again. cant take it.
fuck fuck fuck
fuck the whole world.
what kinda fuckin godly behaviour's this.

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/18/2004 09:25:00 PM

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Wednesday, January 14, 2004  
yest b was pissed w me. not pissed but i guess a li'l irrritated. i was mtg fang at j8 and he was mtg ben. but it was lyk SO coincidental cos lyk when i jus reached j8 i called him and he jus reached too. then lyk its always we sms each otr at the same tym. but well. he waited for me for damn long again. so he was a bit angry. fang sensed it too so it was quite bad. fang had to go off first. then i had to pacify him a lil. lyk try to make him smile etc.
ltr it was ok
we walked for lyk REALLY long. from j8 to bishan park then overhead bridge then sat down at the block of flats. i feel perfectly comfortable w not sayin anyth. we can jus walk in silence and i'll still savour the moment ;)
sat down at the sernior citizens corner. sat on his lap. he kept ticklin me touchin me lyk at my waist and stuff. cos vv fat. haha then he'll tickle me there n stuff. then there was this foot reflex path the stony kind thing haha. so he dared me to walk i did and he refused to gimme back my shoes keep askin me to walk. quite funny haha :)
ltr when we were gg back. we walked tog. lyk both took out our shoes and walked. then we held hands. so it was quite weird. as in we both din say anyth but it came so natural. yeaps so we held hands. lyk REALLY held hands for the first tym. and then when we went home he asked me lyk was he too close to me tonite. did he violate me etc. i said i was ok. i wanted to hint abit so i jus said lyk i dun do this ot ANY guy but he din reply. so i dunno then he emailed me and said he's stressed abt what happened last nite and i know he's not a flirt. so does this mean sth?> anw i think we shld do sth abt our rship or status. are we gd frens? more than gd frens? jus what exactly?
and when we walk on the pavements near the road. he'll always shove or push me inside. haha in a nice way of cos. sigh i dunno. help help. i haf my doubts tho. but i guess i'll def by happy w him. HOW? help me !

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/14/2004 10:44:00 AM

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Sunday, January 11, 2004  
no i realise the greater the xepectations the greater the disappointment i cant believe the thing he wanted to tell me is
cos he was pissed tt day he said he nv wanna send me home again. ITS LYK CHEY.
oh well. its so silly cos we met on friday.
went shoppin w sharon
then watched 'veronica guerin' w him. he had a bad day at work so i treated him to the movie. it totally sux but well. then he sent me home.
sigh i dunno
i watched lotr w lychee yest and he watched paycheck w his colleague. A LADY. from work. i was os pissed off and jealous. haha. she's comin to our church man
YUCKS. better not be pretty
at least he bought me kaya toast tdy.
does he lyk me not?!
wanted to surprise him cos pris n i were playin piano n singin vv niceeeeeee.
then asked him to call my hp to sing and let him hear.
but he was outside. so disappointin
then we both lyk a bit unhappy alr.
i said call me and we can sing ltr. but he din reply or call wth.
fuck man.

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/11/2004 11:01:00 PM

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Thursday, January 08, 2004  
lets see.
brian came to visit me tdy.
we watched love me iv u dare yest.
sent me back
piggy backed me.
but it was hard
both of our backs hurt plus i was wearin skirt
and he was so pissed cos 135 took so long to come
nv saw him lidat b4 :)
well but he wants to tell me sth
xit he lyks me?
he asked me what iv he wants to marry me. treat me to one month stay at ritz or 4d 3 n cruise to alaska. hmmm
alot of stuff. i also dunno
he couldnt slp at all yest
he said he wanted to tell me lyk that thing damn badly yest.
i really wonder what it issss.
argh.
he said its good to him but dunno iv its good or bad for me.i look at his photos. i dun think he's handsome but the thing is i dun really care. cos i guess i rly lyk him.. so much so its become a routine, stagnant. it needs to be taken to a higher level. i msg him everyday. only him. he said his high phone bills is cos he sms n call me kinda thing
sigh how? i dunno
but i dun think i'm ready to commit
i jus wanna know iv he lyks me :)
sigh will wait for him to call.

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/08/2004 10:56:00 PM

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Wednesday, January 07, 2004  
i was w grace n daniel yest then grace left. so dan n i ate at bakers inn paragon.
then brian came. but i din noe
tot he was mtg anwei
but i guess he rushed down to see me for awhile cos he was mtg anwei at novena sq and i told him i was alone.
then i knew he was here but he refused to tell me whr he was so i was so pissed i hung up the phone on him.
i feel bad. he came all the way.
and he saw me and dan there.
is he jealous or what. cos now he keeps sayin i lyk daniel
and obv he isnt happy. lyk not normal i feel.
but he doesnt realise i lyk him.
i dreamt so many things nice things of him i wish they'd all come true.
and brian msged me the nite b4, called me pretty girl
i tot it was a new level but no it went back to sq 1 again. sigh
but i rly wanna hug him and tell him dun be angry w me
cos i'll be so sad
couldnt slp at all last nite. kept wakin up to check iv he'd reply.
but he din. and i tot he did at 3 plus.
but i cant rem iv he replied or iv it was in my dreams.
called him jus now at 6 plus after he replied and he sounded so peeved.
i wanna see him tdy. i really do. sigh. better go jog or sth.
take things off my mind.

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/07/2004 07:48:00 AM

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Monday, January 05, 2004  
huhs its called tdy. brian sms and said i owe him a treat a piggy back a present and A KISS can. of cos i happy la. but does he rly want me to kiss him? anw a bit jealous abt lynn n bel. and he said they keep pairin him up w lynn's frens n matchmakin em. but eeyer i dowan. i want him lor. but he doesnt even noe. so angry. then tdy supp to meet then he had to meet lynn to get his bible back cos he left it at her party place. yikes i hate her. lyk TOTALLY. i dunno then he said bel drived him back home yest n tdy. ya she's not bad. hmmm he shld consider everyone except me! or act i'm the best. haha but i'd lyk to think i changed quite alot for him. i dunnoooo. haiyah dun even noe iv he'll lyk me. as in hai and grace all think we'll def get tog all those kind but they dunno one lor. brian's lyk super nice to everyone. but a bit flirty nowadays to me i feel over sms. i dunno iv he's jus lidat or what can.
and is it bad that i only do qt cos brian keeps askin me to? xit for the wrong reason? i also dunno sigh. havent evven gotten him his pres. but i was lyk checkin my hp sent items. lyk totally almost everyth all sent to him. we sms each otr so much n stuff. argh! i'm perpetually hungry. ayeya. brian brian sigh i also dunno off to slp.
shall play hide n seek tmw. hope it works out! nites.

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/05/2004 11:30:00 PM

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Sunday, January 04, 2004  
haiyah so sad cos brian nv come visit me at my workplace. he used to come everyday to topshop. boohooo. havent seen him for last 2 days at least i gotta see him tdy in church. but not for long. din realise he bert n anwei were sittin behind us durin breakfast at coffeeshop then i did so many spas things. so paiseh argh. made so much noise. they sure think i'm so childish even tho i dress so mature tdy. boohoo. haha
but brian gamme bongella and strepsils! so nice of him :) he gamme whilst i was talkin to eugenia. hope she saw! hahah he;s mine! haha no la
but yah tdy he went for lynn's sorta bday party at the penthouse mark always tells me abt.
kinda jealous. lyk at watchnite svc. when belinda came. lynn melissa. i was thinkin would he rather go out w em? i dunno
tot he was super close to belinda but maybe she's vv busy now. so no tym for him whilst i'm so free.
but whatever it is, i still hope we'll remain close.
i've neglected my frens cos of him. and i know he knows it.
yeah he thinks we shldnt sms and call so much but still. i want him :)
he said he wanted to buy me a pair of shoes from paragon. lyk he msged me and asked me abt my foot size. but no size and he said he saw it and thinks i'll lyk it and wanted to buy tooo bad no my size. booohoo. well its the tot that counts. he's so nice to me. i wanna buy him that kenneth cole shirt but no more. maybe that ck pink reddish chinese collar shirt! i really dun mind spendin money on him :)
then i was lyk sayin i go ard kissin pple who haf nice complexion and he asked where's his kiss n stuff. that was yest. then we talked abt kisses and exclusiveness etc. heh :) i wanna kiss his cheek!
yea hes a flirt la. always ask iv i jealous or those kinda thing! sigh iv only true. i want him to piggy back me again! i'm really glad he's well. tho iv he goes hospital i wanna take care of him too. heh he's all i ever want. all i ever need. i changed alot cos of him. but i gotta kick my FUCK habit. sux.
i want him.
when will i ever get him?

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/04/2004 10:03:00 PM

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Thursday, January 01, 2004  
oh wells havent been updating for so damn long.
haha jus came back
spent a whole day w brian.
we went to watch mona lisa smile at cine. sat lyk 3rd or 4th row from front can.
dunno i was sittin lyk most inside. then i leaned to left he leaned to the right. i was lyk so close to leanin on his shoulder
heh then we went esplanade to eat max brenner. walked around alot! vv nice scenery and walk. plus so windy.
then went marina sq and milenia walk. did so many spas things. i was super hyper and totally crazy. he sent me home again. and he piggybacked me. so niceee :) will nv forget it. i smell of him now haaha. then we fell down on the road tog. so cute :)
realised that i've been spendin alot of tym w him. lyk EVERYDAY meet can. since dunno how long. and he comes to visit me at topshop almost everyday. argh.
then yest he din go for watchnite on tym.
ir eached church first waited for him but then went in in the end.
was abt to take holy communion he called so i rushed out. met at 3rd level then walked abt b4 gg in
missed my holy com luckily took w celest :)
then we were supp to watch mid nite movie but no tix left :(
hmmm so super happy. does he lyk me? i dunno. but i wan this to cont FOREVER :)

Pamela
+ is a not your average girl at +
1/01/2004 11:14:00 PM

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